Why Me?

We have heard this question many times, and on each occasion it has been hard to answer, especially to ourselves. One answer, from a father was "because he is not black and blue" which would infer that the father has the patience and restraint that we must all find when an autistic child's behaviour challenges the most docile of parents.

In many ways, that is a very good way of looking at the whole question of why, and what did we / I do? For whilst the above comment may be directed towards the behavioural aspects and how these can be challenging, it does serve to illustrate how we can examine our role as parents and carers. We have these children and we have them for a reason.

We have obtained permission from an american publisher to cite an article by the late Erma Bombeck called Reflections. This is directed towards mothers of disabed children, but could equally apply to fathers. This is worthy of a read. Please do click here to read this. In the same way, this poem by Sally Meyer is most touching

Whilst on a reflective tone it may also help to consider another piece by Emily Perl Kingsley which looks at raising a handicapped child. It is important to come to terms with autism, to embrace it and to focus on what we can do rather than what is wrong. Please click here to read this piece, it is very moving.

Whatever your beliefs on this question, it is certain that the knowledge that you have an autistic child is hard to swallow at first. Some parents have commented that it is more akin to a bereavement and a sense of loss than anything else. We start by thinking that we have a perfectly 'normal' child, and they suddenly change into this 'autistic' persona that we feel has intruded upon our lives. In truth, research would indicate that we don't get autism, it is not caught and the whole MMR debate is highly questionable at best.

We did not immunise our child, and we have autism elsewhere in the immediate family. The likelihood of hereditary autism is high and that is where we feel our daughter's condition has it's origins. In the past this site has addressed the MMR issue, but on reflection we have decided to limit our coverage this topic in future. The MMR has been attributed to the causation of autism, but this is disputed and there appears to a good deal of evidence for and against the vaccination. To read more, we would recommend the National Autistic Society or other equivalent national organisations for your research. We do still have our immunisation page (see the link on the left) and this does contain some useful information.

Some time ago I asked for some opinion and feedback about the MMR. An example of this is provided below. This piece looks at the evaluation process when considering the MMR, and whether to vaccinate a child, as faced by one set of parents.